Wednesday, March 25, 2015

Teach your penis some respect

My brilliant, beautiful, witty friend was sitting at a bar in the hippest of hip cities last night, having an impassioned conversation with a 37-year-old man. They had shared interests, and the words flowed easily. Then, about 30 minutes in, he says to this wonderful broad, "I mean, let's be clear...this is just about sex. I don't want to, like, take you out to dinner tomorrow night."

My friend goes a out a lot more than me, she's more tolerant, and her social skills are slightly more refined. So, she didn't pull a Katy and deliver a swift jab to the throat, nor did she say anything along the lines of, "Oh, so sex with yourself? Have fun. Hope you die in a torturous, horrific accident on the way home." And then, jab to the throat.

She said, "Well...ok...I guess I appreciate your honesty. But, we aren't going to have sex. That's not me. I thought we were just talking."

Like I said, waaaaay more tolerant. Needless to say, he left soon after. 

Look, I'm already so disillusioned with society as a whole that I'm ready for locusts to fall out of the sky and fire to rain down, but let's dissect this a bit just for shits and giggles. 

This dude is not a member of the chlamydia-collecting-Snapchat-whore-selfie generation. He is thirtydamnseven. He was born in the 70s. There's a likelihood that he's been in the dating pool for a long time and has probably been married. There's not a chance in hell he truly thinks this is an acceptable thing to say to someone. He is not liberated in his honesty. He is a gross, disrespectful asshole.

I'm not naive. I know there are plenty of men out there just looking for notches on the bedpost. Thing is, most of these manwhores at least have charm and a bit of chivalry on their side. That's how they get women into bed in the first place. I mean, hell, you don't even have to be a very good-looking man to get down with the ladies. We are the gender that finds humor and a sparkly personality to be a huge turn-on. You turds just need bare skin and a set of tits. 

I digress. 

Point is, at least with charming the pants off someone, respect is still present. You're engaging with the woman - you're interested (yeah, we know when you fake interest). This almost 40 needledick completely lacked respect. If you found his response humorous, you also completely lack respect. Finding something that hurts or damages another human to be funny is disgusting. And, if this is where we're headed as a society, #1. I'm so damn glad I'm out of the dating pool, and #2. We're fucked. 

For the women that a line like his works on, FUCKING STOP. Jesus, chick, you're taking us back to the dark ages. That shit ain't cute. How was your sexual experience with a guy like that? Oh, completely selfish and unsatisfying? Shock. 

"So, Katy, you're saying that even if we are really just trying to have sex with a lady, we should be interested in her, treat her with respect, and then proceed to be generous and continue the respect if we score a sexual escapade? And, if it turns out I'm not that into her and don't want to have sex with her again, I should be kind to her and let her know that this isn't right for me at this point in life?"

YES. Good god, yes.

Who knows...you might even get something way more important than sex out of the relationship.

Turds.

Monday, March 9, 2015

Grow a set

Racism, sexism, bigotry...for you white turds who drop racial slurs and think it's ok because you heard it in a song...for those of both sexes that mock women for their physical appearance in attempts to keep them one-dimensional...religion pushers, gay bashers, and all you bullies who are so insecure you have to tear another down to feel any worth...you are, of course, the problem.

And, those of you who know this behavior is wrong and sit idly by, silent, you are the much bigger problem. All of you allowing the doucher guy to make fun of the "fat chick" without calling him out...all of you who put your head down without a word when the loud one in the group makes a "nigga" joke...congratulations.


You're an assistant bigot, and you're the one allowing this behavior to thrive. 

Friday, October 10, 2014

Set fire to the snake oil stands

"Showy" sells. It's also bullshit.

There's heaps of showy yoga out there. This is also true of CrossFit. Considering these two things changed my life drastically, I get real ragey towards those that make these wonderful ways of connecting to yourself unsafe and a mockery.

Do not go to a CrossFit that doesn't have a beginner program of some sort. Do not get offended when you show up to a yoga class above your level and the instructor asks you to modify your movement. Anyone worth their salt will do these things. Those that aren't will ignore you and collect their paycheck.

"But, Katy, handstands and muscle-ups are so fun!" First, I wouldn't know because I'm not proficient at either of these things. Second, of course these are fun - fun for your friends to like on Instagram. Are these things fun for your body if you don't have the requisite strength and ability to engage the correct muscles and the solid base to get you there? Hell no. And, both of these things are crazy advanced. You're asking for your shoulder to pitch a fit. Lemme know if all your Instagram friends pony up for the surgery you'll surely need if you don't set yourself up properly for success. Run screaming from a yoga teacher that instructs a "basics" level class to hop into handstand. Neck punch the CrossFit trainer that has you kip your life away into your first muscle-up.

It takes time, application, and discipline to become a true student of any avocation. This is not sexy for the immediate gratification crowd. If you're in that crowd, contemplate who you're truly living your life for.

It's easy to sell rhinestones. It's damn hard to mold yourself into a diamond.

Invest your money in an instructor who takes you on as a whole being - someone who gives you the tools to adjust your movement in a way that makes you strong and ready for when you can tackle something tougher. Write checks to those who are honest in their communication with you, take your goals seriously, and don't allow you to do anything stupid on their watch.

And, please, for the love, don't be stupid. It may take some time, but you will eventually realize that "showy" is just that - superficial nonsense. Hallelujah to that always fading.

Wednesday, June 11, 2014

Ain't nobody got time for Walmart yoga

We occasionally need to be smacked in the face with what we already know. This happened to me in grand fashion yesterday after reading this editorial from Breaking Muscle.

In the interest of full disclosure, I have offered an Amazon Local deal twice at YogaVerve. I knew after I talked to a marketing guy from Amazon this wasn't really a route I wanted to take. He was all salesman. It made me feel dirty (in a bad way). And, for a chick that never does anything she doesn't want to, I'm still surprised I agreed to the deal - $35 for 10 yoga classes, and Amazon keeps half. Eep. It pained me to advertise...it made my classes worth $1.75, and, newsflash, that is not an accurate representation of what my classes are worth. I was told to go with Amazon because unlike Groupon and Living Social, Amazon advertises to a target group (those interested in what you're selling), and only goes within the immediate geographical zone around your studio. Sounded good, and I will say, some very quality folks have come into my studio from that deal. And, true to Amazon's word, several have stayed and bought regular packages. Yet, I still felt sick about the offer. And, here's why - it's not fair for either side. I'm not getting what I'm worth, and the client isn't paying accurately for the service. Neither of us can really feel good about the exchange.

I adore my clients, and not because they pay my bills, but because they are rad humans. They make teaching fun, they get stronger and braver right in front of my eyes (which is why my job kicks ass), and they truly want me to succeed. That's because we like each other. We come from different socioeconomic, cultural, and religious backgrounds; and, we like each other. Being a grown-up with independent thought is pretty cool sometimes. My point here - I want to keep it this way. I want to keep the mutual respect. If I continue to offer discounted classes, that line is blurred because you get what you pay for. It may not be an intentional thing, but I've seen it happen, and it's why I've avoided Groupon completely and always will.

Groupon (and any other company like it) purchasers want a deal. Nothing wrong with that. The problem occurs when you associate what you're paying with the service you're getting. If your mind says, "I only paid $2 for this class," it's not far to travel to, "This class is only worth $2." I've seen it - deal comes out, studio space gets overcrowded, old school clientele gets pissed, instructor gets flustered, Groupon people don't know anything about etiquette and forgot to look up beginner class times, and boom - it all comes together as a pretty shitty experience for everyone involved.

I am an attorney. My student loan debt is a damn nice house (that I'm not living in). I have also dropped close to $10,000 on yoga teacher training. I have certifications from CorePower for hot and power Yoga, Veteran's Yoga Project, Prison Yoga Project, and Yoga for Amputees. I've attended workshops, festivals, and countless classes to improve my practice and teaching. I teach yoga, and I am a professional. This is no different from when I worked as an attorney and was also a professional in that realm. Just like your job, I constantly study to be better at mine. And, it shows. Because of this, I will not subject myself and my incredible staff to any more discount programs. I'm happy to offer incentives for my loyal clients and referral perks, but I'm done with any outside anything telling me what my prices should be and how to run my business.

My gut feeling has been right so far with this business, and I will never ignore it again. One more Amazon Local deal that comes out on June 17 (I know, I know - agreed to it months ago - no takebacks, apparently), and then I'm done.

I'm not worried about any other studio offering a deal or moving in close to me. They are nothing I can control. What I can control is providing the best experience possible for my clients and fostering a community of growth for them at my studio. If you keep your focus on your people and being the type of teacher you'd pay good money for, you simply can't fail. Sure, you can go out of business, but that's not always failing. And, I'll take my chances with that type of "failure" over becoming the Walmart of yoga studios any day. [Credit to the above referenced column and my beautiful friend, MC, for the Walmart line.]

Take a deep breath, and support as many local businesses as you can today, my friends. We are the backbone of what makes a community thrive. And, we are worth every penny you spend with us.

Sunday, June 1, 2014

Full stop on whiny little tit syndrome

I frikkin' hate social media. I don't like promoting on it, looking at it, making sure my posts for businesses show up correctly, so on and so forth. I don't buy the argument that it's done tons of good, either...for any good it's done of reconnecting a lost puppy with an owner, it's ruined roughly 9,873 relationships and reputations. It's an icky Dear Diary with small amounts of entertainment thrown in the mix (see #conversationswithmomma).

I am, however, quite guilty of sharing inspirational quotes on social media because hey, I dig inspirational people. At this moment, I'm clicking back and forth on the CrossFit Games site because little Chris Spealler is about to qualify for his 7th Games out of the South West Regional, and he outweighs me by about 15 pounds. I like heart. I like to share heart. Paul Coelho is good for this; Rumi is good for this. Some whiny little tit who just got dumped is not good for this.

And here comes the point: it's time to retire the victim card, folks. If what you're putting out to the world has more to do with "woe is me" and "someone should be great to me when I'm being a twat because we're in love," well, guess what? You're a twat.

Stop making excuses for your shitty behavior, and FFS, definitely stop making excuses for someone else's behavior. Remember your worth and what you're capable of - it's not using Google images to make your ex feel bad.

Less of this:
 
 
More of go the fuck outside and be productive.

Wednesday, March 12, 2014

Worry bout your damn self

Back in my days of teaching little kids, there was a common theme - they'd come over and let me know that Maria was not, in fact, on her carpet square, or that James did not wash his hands after he went to the bathroom. For anything not a major offense, my answer was the same, "Worry about yourself."

I was sitting at dinner the other night with a table full of people I didn't know. After talking for a bit, a guy and I realized we both knew someone who went to my CrossFit.

Me: "Oh yeah; she's great. Quiet, hard worker."

Him: "She does CrossFit? She's not that fit though, right?"

Cue my face that has produced the nice set of wrinkles I have in my forehead.

"Not everyone in CrossFit is superfit...but, everyone there tries hard, and it's a great community. She's strong."

"But she could be fitter. She could try harder."

Defensive me: "Yeah, so could I. So could you. She works her tail off."

It's possible I had consumed a few beers and didn't say this in the most kindhearted of tones, but seriously, who the fuck says that about another human that's working to be better? And not only that, one of my humans. A lovely lady that comes to my classes and trusts me and puts in the time to improve. I don't think there's a person in the world that sits back and says, "Ya know what? I'm at the peak of human performance. I'm good." Not so much. Everyone can be a better version of themselves.

He then muttered something (because I think he wanted to hammer in the fact that he was, indeed, a self conscious douche) about him being fitter than most of my CrossFit. I just laughed. "No, dude. You're not." And hell, who knows, he may be (this part's a joke, but I'm leaving it open...I've been wrong about men before - see previous post). But, I do know this - I watch very regular people work out with amazing intensity day to day - they do things that are abnormal as hell when it comes to strength and fortitude. And anyone with that kind of toughness does not have to say aloud how tough they are.

Heed your second grade teacher's advice, folks. Mockery is for assholes.   

Sunday, March 9, 2014

Dearest men,

Ya don't even have to worry about it anymore. It's not you, it's me. We're done. And I'm not making some grand move to the other side; I'm just finished.

Blame it on John Legend. Blame it on Dustin Kensrue. Blame it on my idiot heart that thought I could handle it all. Nah, wait...blame it on you. It's you, not me. You told me to trust. You told me you felt the same. I bared it all and let you see it, gave you honesty, gave you generosity, gave you more than you deserved.

And you gave me back exactly what, deep down, I knew you would. And it's not the first time you've done it to me, but it will be the last. It took this one...this one after roughly 16 years of relationships for me to nail on the head exactly how I will never feel again.

I may slip up. It's possible you may get my naked body at a moment of weakness in the future. But trust, dearest men, that I will never "mean it" with you again.

One of you may have been the iceberg sticking out of the water, but the whole of you under the surface sunk the fucking ship. I learned my lesson. It took me an embarrassingly long time, but I learned. It took a divorce. It took hearing, "I don't care enough about you to try." It took tears and trips across the world and empty bank accounts.

There's a reason I never trusted you. Being right has done got old.

It took the lot of you, and I will not take another.

And please, dear men, don't patronize me with saying this is fresh and I'll love again and all the other bullshit you can conjure. I gave you that countless times, and I am done giving my life away.